perspectives.

Everything happens for a reason. 

This phrase is something that I’ve found myself repeating in my head multiple times in my life: when I’ve gotten my heart broken, when I’ve had falling outs with friends, when I didn’t get accepted at my first choice school. Now, I hate cliches more than anyone I know, but this one has stuck with me for as much of my life as I can remember (probably because I was brought up on the concept of karma and putting good vibes out into the world). Lately, the phrase has been showing up in my life for even more reasons than normal.

I started a job as a buyer for a recycled clothing store in San Francisco shortly after graduation, and I truly felt I was thriving there. I was consistently meeting (if not exceeding) my goals as a buyer, I was very financially secure working there regardless of the fact that I started out making minimum wage, and the girls I worked with there are truly some of the most amazing people I have ever met. I was even given the opportunity for a keyholder position at the store after only being there for two months, which I accepted and performed those duties for the rest of my time there. But everything started to change around late September. I had moved out of the city and I had a very long commute, I wasn’t really seeing eye to eye with the store manager, and I had not gotten off any of the time that I had requested off so I could go home to Los Angeles to see my family (I had not been home since March, and the only family I had seen was my parents when they came up for my graduation in June). I was miserable all the time, hated going into work, and had little patience for the job I was doing. The last straw was when I found out I had to go back to school to take one more class, and that was not taken by my workplace very well because they were used to me having very open availability and really needed that for the scheduling (granted I went back to school to take one class, and it is only one morning a week, and I would be available to work mid-afternoon to close on that day, so it really should not have affected scheduling all that much anyways).

So I made the decision to quit, right before the holidays. I knew that I would have to hustle to find another job in the new year, that I couldn’t afford to be unemployed for all that long. But I also knew that I had enough money in savings to support myself for the month of January, maybe even February, between what I had in my savings account and what I knew I would be getting from the vacation time I had accrued at my job. I am not a risk taker, I do not like being out of my comfort zone, but it turns out that this is the best decision I could have made for myself. I was able to spend the holidays at home with my family and really enjoy the company of not only my parents and dogs, but all of my extended family that lives in Southern California (which is most).

And then last weekend, I got a phone call from my dad from the emergency room, saying that my grandfather had a heart attack, and then another call a few days later saying he had passed away. Being away from home in times like these isn’t easy for sure, but I am coping much better than I would have been if I had not given myself the opportunity to go home for the holidays. Even though I have only been working part time, and struggling financially a little bit since I have been back in the bay area, that is so worth it to me. The time I was able to spend with  my family this holiday season was so worthwhile, and even more so after this news.

I have spent the last two months at a part time job I really love, but I have been having to spend my free time counting change to make ends meet. I have almost maxed out my credit card and have been making minimum payments on it. I have spent a whole day binge watching netflix and wondering if quitting my job and leaving my long-term financial security was actually worth it, was actually worth something as simple as being happy and feeling respected by my workplace. And let me tell you, especially after this past week, it has all been put into perspective and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. It all happened for a reason. 

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